Friday, August 20, 2010

The Great WalMart Adventure

So today we went to Wal Mart. I stuck my son in the cart, plopped my Charlotte in the basket and made the other two trot alongside. Went in, rounded the corner, grabbed some contact solution (Opti Free Replenish, fyi), turned to go seek out the next item on my list when I am hailed from the child in the basket of the cart.

"I have to peeeee!"

So I turned back to the front of the store and made all three girls go in and do their business. Even though Genevieve said she didn't have to go she did. I know their tricks. As soon as I'm halfway through the store they start in with the "I have to go to the bathroom"-ing.

They finish, we proceed. I toss a few more items into my cart and am accosted by two women (each one had one child with them). One was a sweet black girl, and the other was a white chick with hair that almost brush the floor. I am not shitting you. She probably could sweep her kitchen with it. They were dressed very modestly, skirts to their ankles and layered shirts. I knew as soon as they opened their mouths what they were about. I listened politely and chatted for a few minutes.

Then they invited me to their church. Their Baptist church. And their weekday prayer meetings. And their old fashioned big tent revival. Even after I told them I am a regular Church goer and I attend Mass on post. I thanked them for the invitation and noted how Xander was getting restless and I needed to get moving.

Thank you Xander for getting restless. Bless those women, I just am not really comfortable with being cornered like that. And it happens ALL the time. I feel this is unique to the South. That never, ever happened to me up North.

So I finish the majority of my shopping and Charlotte tells me that she's got to pee again. I grab my last two things, go pay (because I knew she could hold it since she went less than 45 minutes before that). I waited outside the bathroom again with Xander and my carload of merchandise, sent Adrienne in with Charlotte, and Genevieve followed along, apparently just for the hell of it.

I'm waiting, talking to Xander, watching people walk by. When I hear a horrible wailing coming from the bathroom. It only took me a second to recognize that as MY child. I snatched up my purse and Xander and rushed in. Adrienne and Genevieve were hanging out by the sink, Charlotte was locked in her stall. I called in to her and asked if she was ok, if she was hurt. She opened the door wailing and gesturing to the john. I asked if she fell. She said yes. When I asked if she fell IN or OFF she said no. So I asked again what was wrong.

"My dolly in the toilet!"

When I had walked to her door the toilet was flushing.

"You flushed your dolly down the toilet?"

"Yeeesssss!!!" More crying.

It was SO hard not to laugh. I mean, it was only a Polly Pocket, easily replaced. But she was heartbroken over it. The whole scenario was HILARIOUS. I told her not to worry, we had more at home and we could always buy another one. She calmed down and we left the store. Apparently she dropped it when she flushed. I'm still not sure on the details exactly.

But, seriously, who else's kid flushes a doll down the toilet in Wal Mart?

No comments: