Thursday, January 22, 2009

I am dumb.

For serious. I really shouldn't go looking at old pictures of myself. Especially not when I feel fat and everything hurts.

Me "then"

Me "now"
18 weeks 4 days

I could cry (figuratively speaking). lol I want my body back. I feel fat and tired and my back hurts. I was scrubbing my kitchen (which leaves me even more exhausted) thinking about blogging... and lately my blogs have sucked. I mean, nice little updates on the family but nothing really creative. I think I used to be funny. I wrote much better blogs back when I was doing my "15 minutes of ME time", but I haven't had a chance to do that since moving to GA... since coming back to the States, really. I want it back. The solitude, the relaxation, the time to blog if I decide to use it that way... so much of my life is wrapped up in kids and being pregnant right now that I'm too tired to spend 15 minutes for myself once the kids are in bed. I'm ready to go to sleep before they are.

18 more weeks...

I was thinking about why I do this... and really, it's not like I have more than a handful of people reading... I just do it for me. To put what I want down for prosperity or something. To vent, to rage, to share something funny with whoever might happen to see it. But I'm not sure the sharing is really my primary goal. Maybe it's just to exercise my brain. Whatever it is there is a piece of me in there, and I want it to be the real me, not the big fat whiner me. :P This me is only temporary, I have to remind myself of that. THIS will be over soon enough... well, maybe not soon enough, but it will end.

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