I'm just fat.

It would seem that if a woman does not have a perfectly flat stomach she has two options: she can be pregnant or she can be fat.

Within the last month I have had no less than 4 (5 if you count the two women who were together) people ask me if I am pregnant. All women. I thought women were supposed to know better? One of these women even dared to pat my tummy. Oh. My. Word. You just don't do that. Even if the woman IS pregnant.

I am NOT pregnant. Which means... I'm just fat. So, when one of these tactless women asks me "Ooohhh, are you expecting again?" I smile, shake my head and say "No, I'm just fat." They end up more embarrassed than I do. (Irony of ironies here, I see on the side bar an advertisement for "10 Rules of Flat Stomach"!!! LOL)

The reality of the matter is I am a small person. It's in my genes. My mom was thin, my dad was thin (I say was because they are in their 50s now, obviously they have gained some weight since their youth. Not fat, either. Just average. Mom no longer lives up to her high school nickname of "popsicle"). I am mostly thin. I used to be so skinny that a girl in college would crack jokes about it; "If you turn sideways and stick out your tongue you'd look like a zipper!" Sometimes I see pictures of me in my teens and early 20s and think "Holy crap, I look emaciated!" It wasn't that bad, I have always had a good appetite, it's just I've always had a good metabolism, too. Now, 3 kids later....

I gained 50 pounds with my last pregnancy. That's going to leave a mark. And it has. Despite being (dare I post my actual weight here?) 102 pounds and wearing a very small size (you know, like a 0 or a 1) I DO have this little pocket of flab on my belly. Yes, I have belly fat. I don't like it. In fact the state of my stomach has always been an issue I was self-conscious about (I won't dredge up ancient history and explain the why behind that one). But, on the flip side, I'm not really doing much to work it off (I have discovered that making the time to work out is really tough when you have 3 toddlers and I'm just not a "wake up at the crack of dawn" kind of girl). The fact that I still have the flab is probably my own fault, but that doesn't stop me from being self-conscious about it (top that off with the stretch marks that go all the way up to my bellybutton and we have a real winner of a combo there...)

Even with this "flaw" I know I am not really fat. But if you're going to ask rude questions I'm going to give an answer thats going to embarrass the you-know-what out of you. I guess I'm just not nice, but on the other hand, giving that answer also helps keep me from feeling like a fat slob. I have enough body image issues as it is without rude questions being thrown at me.

I'm not pregnant. I'm just fat.

This is me. Being fat. :P

My baby.

Fresh out of the pool... my baby. She is.... crazy. Don't let that sweet expression fool you, she's a nut. Where my other girls were sweet and dainty, she plows in like a bulldozer. At 16 months she figured out how to climb up on the trampoline all by herself. She's 18 months old now; loves the outdoors and books. She's not very nice to books; she dropped one in the bathtub this morning. I think she eats more than I do. I think she'll enjoy taking pictures as much as I do. She tries to take the camera away from me and sometimes seems to prefer being behind the lens rather than in front of it. I give her my point and shoot to play with.

Vibrant

This is my Big Girl. Adrienne. She's almost 5. Just a few more days to go till her birthday. Dancing is a favorite activity of hers--she's never had a lesson a day in her life but she will tell you that she is a ballerina and proceed to show you her moves.

This shot was taken one evening while we sat out in our backyard enjoying weather that was a few degrees cooler than the blazing afternoon. This and its companion shot are recent favorites of mine. Looking at them I feel like I could almost absorb what its like to be in her shoes (or bare feet as the case may be). She's so vibrant.

What I know.

Girls. They're what I know. I have three of them. Little dress-up princes, fairy, ballerina, God only knows what they will imagine next, girls. If I ever give birth to a boy I think I'm going to have a panic attack.

This picture is of my middle daughter. Genevieve is my stubborn one, the one with the attitude. But she can be the sweetest, friendliest thing you ever met. Dress up is a way of life in our house, and this girl takes it very seriously. (Those fancy hands to the side belong to her big sister Adrienne.)

It's time to play, put the damn beads on and lets go be princesses!

Space.

I am not really sure why I am doing this... I already have blogs at myspace and facebook (the latter a meager little thing with only 3 or 4 posts), plus a xanga that I abandoned long ago (they're really basically all the same blogs, just copied for different audiences; a brother here, a sister there, a couple friends over that way...). I even considered transferring all my old blogs over here, and then I opted against it. I'm way too lazy for that crap.

I suppose, perhaps, the reason why I'm doing this is pretty simple. Sometimes people join your audience that you don't feel like airing all your dirty laundry in front of... like your mother. Who wants to bitch about their mother when she's going to be reading their blog? I'm pushing 30 man, I don't need my every move being monitored by my mother. Not that she necessarily would, thats just an example. Yes, she is on my myspace and facebook friend lists. I really do love my mother. Really. Even when she drives me a little batty.

Isn't this supposed to be one of those introductory posts? Hi! This is me and this is my life! Yay! Something like that, right? Well... as my profile states quite clearly I am a wife and mother. It's a full time job. My husband is a soldier--he's amazing. I couldn't ask for better. We have three daughters, charming little ladies to be sure. My family is just about the only thing I am well versed in; that is, I'm an amateur at everything else I try. I am a terrible artist, but sometimes I paint. I'm sort of a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants seamstress, but I sew. I cannot sing or play a musical instrument--instead I lipsync to my iPod, even singing along is dangerous to my listeners. I love photography, but I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel as far as talent goes--on this, however, I am actually trying to raise myself to maybe lower-mid barrel. I'm actually a pretty good cook. I'm also terrible about these intro things because I'm sure someone else will say "Oh but you're great at this!"

Anyway, this is going to be a catalog of my random thoughts, self-reflection, trials, errors, craft and photography projects, and whatever the heck else I come up with. I don't expect blog-famedom, I'm pretty sure I'm not anyone's idea of an entertaining blogger. I'm just a woman who needs a space. This is my space.